I Cannot Write..!!!

“NO! Will you stop having the same old argument again and again??? Just give it a rest OK?? You can’t! You can’t write like the others! And you just will never be able to…!! Its not what you were born with. You may enjoy reading à la folie, but you know very well that you cannot, in any way, be ‘a writer’... “

“It’s just so difficult to accept it sometimes. Especially now, that I have taken a whole hearted plunge in Literature. I just find it so impossible to believe that I don’t have The Gift! All around me, there are these amazing write- ups that I read..! It makes me ache!! Not out of jealousy, but out of this unmistakable need to find an outlet to let out all that’s been assimilated in my head! These past six months have been the most intellectually stimulating months of my entire life! I have never ever pondered so much on so many varied happenings, not only in the world, history and current situations included, but even in the deepest corners of the mind that I never thought I’d venture into. And what a journey it has been! So much to write about! So much to share! I mean, seriously, if you see the radical change in my Facebook status in the last couple of months you’ll know what I’m talking about! I know! I know! It’s really pathetic that I should depend on Facebook to find an outlet... I admit it... mais que faire?! I didn’t really see an option... Well, honestly, not that I considered or even looked consciously for any options. But I’ve learnt not to trust my conscious self too much... For all I know, I’ve been getting these itches, nudging you could say, from the corners of my mind that prod me, whispering ‘you can if you want to... You just need a little motivation! Just a little nudge!’ Well now what do I say to that!?! Should I not listen to this inner voice that calls out to me?? Should I just let it go??? Never pay heed to it?? Never even try to uncover this gift, or whatever you might call it?? Somehow, somewhere, I feel, I sense that I can write! I can physically feel this mountain of words and sentences and pages and pages buried deep inside me that are dying to get out! This rush, this itch, this nudge... so what should I do with it?? Ignore it?? That would be like‘la mauvaise foi’ [and for the record, I seriously do not know what it’s called in English. I’m not trying to brag or anything. Honest!] It’s just been a longtime that I have been arguing with myself... well, not really myself, my heart and my mind are, with each other... I’m just a vessel that holds them in me. They have completely different voices! It’s unbelievable that a person might be a host to two completely opposite, contradictory and pole apart opinions and views! I guess that’s not just my case; it’s universal. There exist ‘two Me ‘in everyone: The one that seems to be the real one [to yourself and hence, to others] and The Real One….. For all you know, I’ve just managed to unmask one side of my Real Self. I guess I’ve just written a whole page... have I not?? I listened to the inner voice, to a tiny fragment of The Real Me that was dying to be discovered by the only person who could do it justice: Me. Wow..! I can’t believe this..! It’s finally come flooding out, like I knew it would... One day..! It’s weird; this post makes me think of that song, ‘Gaana mere bas ki baat nahi’... It is synonymous to that, is it not??? J Phew!!!!