And she stood there. Firm fingers clutching the door that she would soon be closing and locking and bolting, this time forever. The same door that she had programmed herself never to open. The same door, that despite herself, she had let open. The very door that had poured light into her obscure room for an instant. An instant that would probably last her an eternity. That she would make her last for an eternity.
Like a slice of life that she always dreamed of was squeezed in for a moment between all of the rotten past and the future to come. She got the taste of what it would be like. It still lingered there.. would probably forever. Years later she would remember what it tasted like. The bitter-sweet pungent flavor would be as fresh as it is today.
And yet there she stood. Watching the light, that had found and illuminated every darkest corner , moving away from her.. a speck of bright sparkling Hope fading away into nothingness.. into bitter Disappointment.
So there she stood. Swallowed by the darkness that overwhelmed her. A black velvet sheet of Disappointment enveloped her. Gazing into the far end of the road where the light had turned a corner. Probably to never take a detour.
But still she stood. Grounded to the spot. Unable to slam the door shut. Unable to retreat into the practical, rational world that she had painstakingly fashioned for herself. A world that left no room for the glow of Hope. That had shut all its doors to it.
But the imprint that the bright retreating beam left behind her eyes rooted her. It felt like an illusion to the one thing she had not taken resort to. Hope. The one thing that, for her represented nothing but trouble. She preferred to not hope. It just made life easier. And now she understood why. ‘the gloom that encases me seems so much more dense than before that wretched light pierced my world’ she thought.
And with all the effort that she could muster, she banged the door shut. Leaving no trace of what had come and gone. Leaving no further room for access. ‘I’ll get used to this obscurity again’ she thought. ‘it’ll seem less dark tomorrow’ she believed. She’d been there before. Done that. But she was done with Hope. No more of it for her. A new page was turned. A page that had no room for the group of letters that deformed her life for an instant.
Hence, there she stood. And in the obscure darkness, she felt her lips twitch into a well deserved smile.
